


The Man Who Fell to Earth

by chelseagirl



Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Crack, F/M, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-19
Updated: 2017-10-19
Packaged: 2019-01-16 22:07:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12351507
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chelseagirl/pseuds/chelseagirl
Summary: Sam Tyler thought that pretending to be from 2006 would be a good explanation, but hadn't realized that he was on a planet so primitive that it hadn't invented time travel yet.From the Armed Bastards Holiday Exchange for 2006, on LiveJournal.





	The Man Who Fell to Earth

“Sometimes, Sam, it’s like you’re from another planet.”

D.I. Sam Tyler shook his head and smiled wryly. “Don’t be silly, Annie. Just Hyde.” He’d always been amazed at how well Annie understood him, but he’d never thought she’d actually figure it out. 

When he first arrived in Manchester, in the Earth year 1973, he’d thought the “I’m from 2006” cover story would serve him well. 

No such luck. How could he have guessed he’d stumbled onto a culture that was so primitive they hadn’t even invented time travel yet? He should have realized it when he saw the internal combustion engines they were poisoning their atmosphere with. It was a pity he’d latched onto Ruth and Vic Tyler as his putative parents, as well. Ruth, because she was thoroughly fanciable, and this put her off-limits. Vic because, as it turned out, he was a bit of a git.

But unless he could find a reliable source of cold fusion energy, he was stuck here until the next regular pickup which was . . . he looked at his watch . . . these digital ones were a pretty neat idea . . . another 27 years.

Not that there weren’t advantages to the time and place where he was. Nelson was from Betelguese, as well, but he’d been here a lot longer, and he’d really gotten into the rhythm of things. Sam could listen endlessly to Nelson’s stories about the past several centuries on Earth.

Gene Hunt, too. Sam genuinely enjoyed the man’s company, particularly when he got angry. Yelling and hitting things had fallen out of usage on Sam’s planet and he found them tremendously invigorating. He loved making up all the detailed and specific police procedures, just to wind Gene up. Forensics, evidence, the proper way to interrogate a suspect; all of them worked equally well. Good thing he’d watched all those transmissions of _CSI_ while he was preparing for the trip.

Sam loved going to the Railway Arms, where he could spend time with both Gene and Nelson at once. The fermented and distilled beverages served there were a bit primitive; there were all sorts of unpleasant side effects, particularly afterwards. But it was a small price to pay for the fun of it all.

But Sam’s favourite thing of all about Manchester, Earth, in 1973, was Annie Cartwright. 

On his planet, they’d evolved past gender, and had been reproducing asexually for centuries now. Getting ready for the trip, he’d picked “male” on a whim, mostly because the shoes looked more comfortable.

The minute he saw Annie, he’d knew he’d made the right choice. He hadn’t had feelings like that in nearly . . . well, nearly ever. Not since his mad crush on ZedX25B/9600 back in primary school. But Annie . . . she’d understood him almost instantly. She’d seemed to really care about a near-stranger. Besides, her hair looked so soft, and her smile was so sweet, and whenever he got too close to her, he had this odd impulse to put his lips against hers. 

Of course, he did nothing of the sort. He’d be leaving in another 27 years, and it just wouldn’t be fair to her.

Nelson kept trying to convince him that he could always stay; he could turn it into a long term assignment. He could press his lips, and other parts, against Annie and they could fall in love and live happily together. And he could keep watching Gene hitting things, and that would be really good, too. It was time to make up his mind. After all, what was there for him back on Betelguese? Only a pure and harmonious environment, a just government and fair and rational economic system, and a complete lack of all want or care. Plus really fantastic technology.

Here, there was Gene, and Annie, and Nelson, and that extremely cool black leather jacket.

“And sometimes it seems like you’re on another planet. Earth to Sam? Sam? Are you in there?”

“Sorry, Annie.” He reached into the picnic basket. “Would you like another one of these . . .” What were the small roundish pale green things called? " . . . grapes?”

He held it to her lips, and felt their softness as they brushed against him while she ate.

Their eyes met and he was conscious that the skin on his face was warm, almost burning.

She leaned forward and kissed him. It was even better than he had imagined. He started kissing back, and discovered it wasn’t difficult to figure out. 

Sam Tyler decided then and there that he was going to stay right where he was, in Manchester, Earth, 1973.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a gift for Neuralclone, whom I miss!
> 
> Apparently it was cited on Crack Van, which is pretty cool. 
> 
> I tended to write schmoopy Sam/Annie in this fandom, dealing with time travel and its consquences. So most of it was invalidated when the series ended and it wasn't time travel after all. But this one made me laugh when I found it again, and here it is.


End file.
